or, It's Going to Be a Busy Week
This time next week, it will all be over. Ooooh, ominous! But the fact of the matter is, there is an event next week that will completely affect at least the next few weeks, if not the rest of your life. I cannot underestimate the importance of the decision that literally millions of Americans will be making next Tuesday.
I am of course referring to deciding what you will give up for Lent. (Also, there's some sort of political thing.)
All the Heathens, Heretics, and Pagans who read this might need to take a moment to wiki Lent
I'll wait.
-------------
Welcome back! So now that everyone knows that Lent is a depressing Christian month(+) of abstinence, etc, we're all on the same page. But probably you either already were, or now are really worried about deciding what to give up. Maybe you didn't realize that the deadline was coming up so soon! But why do you read this blog? Clearly, it is because you seek my advice. I am your sage.
Some Common Items to Give Up for Lent: soda, chocolate, snacking, cigarettes, desserts. About these things I say, come on? Where's the challenge? And really, isn't that just giving up things you probably shouldn't do in the first place? Are you really comfortable with using God as an excuse to give up drinking 8 Mountain Dews a day?
Something common, but perhaps slightly more challenging, or perhaps VERY EASY for some of us, is sex. A lot of people give up sex. (See: Terrible Josh Hartnett movie) I seriously recommend this as an option if you are a monk, nun, law student, or in any other traditionally celibate sect. Otherwise, I'd skip it and go with one of my next suggestions. (Please note: If you do decide to give up sex, please stay away from me. I don't want to deal with your attitude.)
Awesome and Challenging Things You Can Give Up For Lent:
shoes
forks
reading (all reading, even street signs)
the letter N
speaking
using one of your hands
glasses/contacts
red dye #5 (harder than you'd think)
Things No One Should Give Up For Lent:
showers
Snickers bars
deodorant
Writing in their Blog (this one only applies to me)
Scrabulous (but you could give up harassing your friends to make their move, Darnell McCoy)
AOL Instant Messenger during the day (you know who you are)
Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, I'm going to need to impart my truly important wisdom:
How to Make the Most of the Time You Have Left
I certainly don't mean to be an alarmist but WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST SITTING THERE??? YOU ONLY HAVE SIX DAYS LEFT BEFORE LENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I figure today is pretty shot already. I mean, tonight you'll be busy e-mailing all your friends the link to my blog (http://annasblawg.blogspot.com) and chuckling to yourself at my quiet, clever humor.
But tomorrow is wide open. And the first thing you'll want to do is spend at least three hours doing whatever it is you've decided to give up. If it's Snickers Bars, then first of all, why didn't you take my advice, and secondly you'll want to binge eat them for the next 6 days. Then you'll want to spend some time googling last minute trips to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Then you'll probably have to spend a little time feeling sad that you can't afford to go, to miss class/work, and that you're stuck eating faux caijun food in a boring town.
And then we have- The Weekend. Now, the #1 person I would go to for advice on how to really make the most of your weekend is none other than the lovely Ms. Amber Swain. But, being unable to see her from my seat and unwilling to go look around the library for her, I'll just have to point you in the right direction for advice (this is sort of like outsourcing). The most important thing about your pre-Lent weekend is that when people ask you on Monday what you did, you have no idea.
Monday- On Monday you'll need to start to make plans for local Mardi Gras. I recommend Joe's OK Bayou (ah, what a clever name) and please take me with you. Additionally, it is perfectly acceptable to start celebrating Mardi Gras on Monday. (For all you language buffs out there, this would be Lundi Gras. It has a nice ring to it, right?)
Mardi Gras- It will be important to wear a large number of beads and really enjoy yourself. Sip a hurricane in Contracts class, you know Professor Frost won't mind. It is probably not advisable to throw beads at your professors, employers, or coworkers. But if you try it, please do it in a class you have with me, or at least bring me a picture. Equally important: consume a large number of crawfish. Attempt to not find their eyes disgusting.
Remember, after Tuesday, it is all over. You'll have to go to church, get that ashy cross drawn on your forehead and stop wearing shoes or speaking. Or stop raising your hand in class, as I hope some of you will (not mentioning any names).
Good luck!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The Tequila Law
Today, I have found myself to have a severe case of writer's block. Though I wanted initially to only write about law school related things, I have been encouraged to commit to writing my ten step theory of sexual activity.
"Everyone in law school wants to bump uglies. It's applicable." - Anonymous
The Baseball Theory
To begin with, I will spell out for you the Common Law Theory of Bases in relation to sexual activity. My information comes from urbandictionary.com. But don't worry, I will leave out the pictures they have felt necessary to include.
First base- "the first step in a sexual relationship involving making out or french kissing"
I think we can all agree that first base is pretty clear. But after this, I feel it gets fuzzy, and is open to many different interpretations. The bases are ambiguous, everyone has a different perception of what base is what. Here is where I would insert data from a poll of our classmates. But I am in class, so you'll just have to take my word for it.
Second base- "One step up of First Base, heavy petting and feeling up while making out, up the shirt or shirtless for both partners."
Third base- Urban dictionary defines this as "the third degree of the bases theory." But, what does that include? The way I see it, there are a number of things that could follow second base. And what is home? See all the problems?
And thus was born, one afternoon many years ago, in the company of my good friends who probably wish to remain nameless, The Ten Step Theory of Sexual Activity, or what shall heretofore be known as The Tequila Law in honor of how quickly Tequila allows you to move up the scale. Or so I've heard.
Tequila Law
1- Kissing. This is just a regular, run of the mill kiss. I feel this is self-explanatory. Think of it as the gateway to the scale. Men do already.
2- French Kissing/Making Out. This kiss, for lack of a more eloquent way to phrase it, involves tongue.
3- Necking. What does this mean? Your scale is just as confusing! I assume this is what you are thinking now. And this, I will admit is subject to interpretation. Do I mean what your grandma calls anything after holding hands? What do I mean? To be all encompassing, necking involves lips and a part of the body not covered by a number higher up on the scale. (See also activities that occurred at places called Lovers' Lane or Lookout Point in any teenage movie or television show from the 50's and 60's.)
4- Groping(a) - This involves clothing. "A little over the sweater action." - Will and Grace
I can't believe I just quoted Will and Grace.
5- Groping(b)- This does not involve clothing.
6-7- These numbers encompass what we will politely refer to "Manual Pleasures." That's all I'm going to say about that.
8-9- If 6 and 7 were those sort of pleasures, I'm sure you can imagine what 8 and 9 might be. Oh, wait, don't start imagining. I want you to finish reading the rest of this entry. We'll continue the theme and say, "Oral Pleasures."
10- Sex.
11- "Non-traditional methods." We're adults. You know what this includes.
There are several benefits to codifying the Tequila Law over the Common Law Baseball Theory:
1. Conversation. "So and so went to third base with So and so." This will stop rumors. Because of the ambiguity of the Baseball Theory, that could mean ANYTHING. But if you use the Tequila Law, you can say, "oh, they went to 5" and then there will be no confusion.
2. Simplicity. At least once you memorize the scale.
So basically, that is the gist of the theory. Use it well. Or at least just use it!
And now everyone will think I'm a whore. Here's hoping my mom reads this!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Going Upstairs to Go Downstairs to Go Upstairs to Go Downstairs
or Your Guide to the Law Library
Once you enter the law library, there are a number of options to maximize your studying capabilities. It's sort of an overwhelming decision and it's made especially difficult by the fact that there is no Treatise or Hornbook to help you, and Emmanuel just hasn't gotten around to it yet. But don't worry! I am here to break down for you the different options and experiences of the Law Library so you can most accurately surmise for yourself where you should sit. (Don't forget to brief!)
The Lobby:
The Lobby is an especially popular choice in a common situation such as, you have an hour between class and you've gone to Jimmy Johns and now you only have 20 minutes to finish your reading. An added bonus of the lobby is that you can overhear incredibly random and often ridiculous statements. An example of a ridiculous statement someone might make is "I would like to amend the Constitution to reflect God's law." (ah, note the subtle political humor) The kind of studying most common in this area is known as "socializing."
The Kentucky Section:
This, as you might have noticed, is a rather exclusive study area. To gain entry to this area, it seems to help if you are a 1L, male, and a Federalist. However, if your political beliefs are more in line with my own, it is perfectly acceptable to sit here if you enjoy a challenge. You'll find the Kentucky section denizens welcoming, don't misunderstand me, but you will soon learn, to quote a resident of this section, they're "coming for your rights!" The kind of studying most common in this area is known as "political debate."
The Reading Room:
In general, it's a pretty terrible idea to study here. There's a lot of discussing of "homework" or sharing of youtube videos, and just generally a lot of laughter. And if people are laughing, you know they're not reading. (Sidenote: crying is generally a good indicator of studying though.) This is a great place to study if what you're really interested in doing is making dinner plans, hearing funny stories, or listening to people complain about the amount of work they have to do. The kind of studying most common in this area is known as "not studying." "Computer games" is a close second. (or apparently "bLAWgging") (Sidenote: An exception to my general dislike for the Reading Room is the tables by the windows. Sometimes people fall down outside and come on, that's just funny.)
The Basement:
There are five options for basement studying. You might not have realized it's such a plethora of opportunity, but really, it is.
(1) The Large Room with the Carrels. This is the first and clearly the most obvious place to study in the basement. Advantage: Natural Light- you are able to see the day pass by while you slave away over your casebooks. Disadvantage: Absolutely Silent. EXCEPT FOR THE INCESSANT CLACKING OF LTL'S KEYS. (Sidenote: LTL of course refers to everyone's favorite library squatter- Loud Typing Lady)
(2) Private Carrels Against the Wall. Advantage: It's quiet and you can actually get work done. Disadvantage: If you pass out into your CivPro book and hit your head on the desk, no one would ever know and you might die. And, let's face it. Law School is at least > Death. Most days.
(3) Individual Study Room. It is not okay to use this room for one person. I repeat, it is not okay to totally bogart this room and kick study groups out in the cold. That is just poor library etiquette. However, I will give you the benefit of the doubt, because I hadn't published this yet, and you were probably unaware that there were so many other options. But from here on out, one person does not a study group make.
Hold on while I climb down off my soapbox.
(4) Couches. This is the perfect place to study! Provided what you really want to do is fall asleep.
(5) Microfiche Room. Advantage: Everything. White board which is very convenient in case you need things explained to you (similarly convenient that David Riley is almost always right outside in the big room for explaining). Private so you can listen to your super awesome Boyz II Men Greatest Hits CD without headphones and without disturbing anyone. Though, really, who would be disturbed by Boyz II Men. Large table. Many chairs. Outlets. Disadvantage: No windows. Hours can pass by and you'd never know (provided you also never learned to tell time) because really, time flies when you're reading CivPro. And also, nothing to stare out and daydream. And I would suggest bringing a fan, it can get a little stuffy.
The Second Floor:
I have to admit that I'm not terribly well-versed on the ins and outs of the second floor. I tried it a few times, but it's not really for me. But there are several options up there as well.
(1) Carrels- This is a really great place to catch a nap between classes. It's quiet, generally people don't bother you, and the lines on your face usually wear off by the time you get back downstairs. Plus no one can see you if you look really ridiculous when you sleep. I mean, this is a good place to study... It's alright, but the configuration of the carrel makes it way too easy to pass notes. And if you have a query (Sidenote: I just used this word to score 34 points in Scrabulous against James Cash. Sorry, James. Also, if you don't have Scrabulous, get it.), you generally must go downstairs, sometimes even to the basement to ask someone reputable.
(2) Tables- The advantage of the tables is that, if you have a loud conversation on your cell phone, you definitely cannot be heard by everyone in the entire library. Wait. That seems counterintuitive... at least to me.
Some general library suggestions:
1. Prepare before entering. Get all the books and snacks you'll need and for god's sake use the restroom. This is especially important if you are planning to go anywhere else other than the Reading Room or Lobby. Otherwise you're going to get all settled in, realize you need your beloved copy of the UCC and have to go upstairs, exit the lobby, go downstairs to your locker, then go back upstairs to the library and then BACK DOWNSTAIRS to your carrel/table/study room (provided you're with a group).
2. Combine your trips. This is for those of you who failed to pay attention to my first suggestion. Let me just say, there is nothing worse then returning from your locker, then realizing you need animal crackers from the SBA office (delicious! and only 50 cents!) and have to retrace your ridiculous circuit.
3. Wear headphones. Even if you aren't listening to music, you look like you are. And often this is a great way to overhear hilarious things.
4. Sit with others. This just makes you look cool. And, it gives you a great out for not reading. "I would have read that Property assignment during my break, but I was sitting with Anna and she just kept talking to me!" I mean, really, how many times have you said that? See what I mean?
5. Be mindful of library etiquette and aware of your surroundings. Helpful tip: You're disturbing the person at the next table if they keep glaring at you and sighing.
Well, that does it. I have to say, your relief is palpable. Never before has someone compiled such a thorough and illuminating guide for you. I predict it will be inserted in all the Orientation packets. Without a doubt.
or Your Guide to the Law Library
Once you enter the law library, there are a number of options to maximize your studying capabilities. It's sort of an overwhelming decision and it's made especially difficult by the fact that there is no Treatise or Hornbook to help you, and Emmanuel just hasn't gotten around to it yet. But don't worry! I am here to break down for you the different options and experiences of the Law Library so you can most accurately surmise for yourself where you should sit. (Don't forget to brief!)
The Lobby:
The Lobby is an especially popular choice in a common situation such as, you have an hour between class and you've gone to Jimmy Johns and now you only have 20 minutes to finish your reading. An added bonus of the lobby is that you can overhear incredibly random and often ridiculous statements. An example of a ridiculous statement someone might make is "I would like to amend the Constitution to reflect God's law." (ah, note the subtle political humor) The kind of studying most common in this area is known as "socializing."
The Kentucky Section:
This, as you might have noticed, is a rather exclusive study area. To gain entry to this area, it seems to help if you are a 1L, male, and a Federalist. However, if your political beliefs are more in line with my own, it is perfectly acceptable to sit here if you enjoy a challenge. You'll find the Kentucky section denizens welcoming, don't misunderstand me, but you will soon learn, to quote a resident of this section, they're "coming for your rights!" The kind of studying most common in this area is known as "political debate."
The Reading Room:
In general, it's a pretty terrible idea to study here. There's a lot of discussing of "homework" or sharing of youtube videos, and just generally a lot of laughter. And if people are laughing, you know they're not reading. (Sidenote: crying is generally a good indicator of studying though.) This is a great place to study if what you're really interested in doing is making dinner plans, hearing funny stories, or listening to people complain about the amount of work they have to do. The kind of studying most common in this area is known as "not studying." "Computer games" is a close second. (or apparently "bLAWgging") (Sidenote: An exception to my general dislike for the Reading Room is the tables by the windows. Sometimes people fall down outside and come on, that's just funny.)
The Basement:
There are five options for basement studying. You might not have realized it's such a plethora of opportunity, but really, it is.
(1) The Large Room with the Carrels. This is the first and clearly the most obvious place to study in the basement. Advantage: Natural Light- you are able to see the day pass by while you slave away over your casebooks. Disadvantage: Absolutely Silent. EXCEPT FOR THE INCESSANT CLACKING OF LTL'S KEYS. (Sidenote: LTL of course refers to everyone's favorite library squatter- Loud Typing Lady)
(2) Private Carrels Against the Wall. Advantage: It's quiet and you can actually get work done. Disadvantage: If you pass out into your CivPro book and hit your head on the desk, no one would ever know and you might die. And, let's face it. Law School is at least > Death. Most days.
(3) Individual Study Room. It is not okay to use this room for one person. I repeat, it is not okay to totally bogart this room and kick study groups out in the cold. That is just poor library etiquette. However, I will give you the benefit of the doubt, because I hadn't published this yet, and you were probably unaware that there were so many other options. But from here on out, one person does not a study group make.
Hold on while I climb down off my soapbox.
(4) Couches. This is the perfect place to study! Provided what you really want to do is fall asleep.
(5) Microfiche Room. Advantage: Everything. White board which is very convenient in case you need things explained to you (similarly convenient that David Riley is almost always right outside in the big room for explaining). Private so you can listen to your super awesome Boyz II Men Greatest Hits CD without headphones and without disturbing anyone. Though, really, who would be disturbed by Boyz II Men. Large table. Many chairs. Outlets. Disadvantage: No windows. Hours can pass by and you'd never know (provided you also never learned to tell time) because really, time flies when you're reading CivPro. And also, nothing to stare out and daydream. And I would suggest bringing a fan, it can get a little stuffy.
The Second Floor:
I have to admit that I'm not terribly well-versed on the ins and outs of the second floor. I tried it a few times, but it's not really for me. But there are several options up there as well.
(1) Carrels- This is a really great place to catch a nap between classes. It's quiet, generally people don't bother you, and the lines on your face usually wear off by the time you get back downstairs. Plus no one can see you if you look really ridiculous when you sleep. I mean, this is a good place to study... It's alright, but the configuration of the carrel makes it way too easy to pass notes. And if you have a query (Sidenote: I just used this word to score 34 points in Scrabulous against James Cash. Sorry, James. Also, if you don't have Scrabulous, get it.), you generally must go downstairs, sometimes even to the basement to ask someone reputable.
(2) Tables- The advantage of the tables is that, if you have a loud conversation on your cell phone, you definitely cannot be heard by everyone in the entire library. Wait. That seems counterintuitive... at least to me.
Some general library suggestions:
1. Prepare before entering. Get all the books and snacks you'll need and for god's sake use the restroom. This is especially important if you are planning to go anywhere else other than the Reading Room or Lobby. Otherwise you're going to get all settled in, realize you need your beloved copy of the UCC and have to go upstairs, exit the lobby, go downstairs to your locker, then go back upstairs to the library and then BACK DOWNSTAIRS to your carrel/table/study room (provided you're with a group).
2. Combine your trips. This is for those of you who failed to pay attention to my first suggestion. Let me just say, there is nothing worse then returning from your locker, then realizing you need animal crackers from the SBA office (delicious! and only 50 cents!) and have to retrace your ridiculous circuit.
3. Wear headphones. Even if you aren't listening to music, you look like you are. And often this is a great way to overhear hilarious things.
4. Sit with others. This just makes you look cool. And, it gives you a great out for not reading. "I would have read that Property assignment during my break, but I was sitting with Anna and she just kept talking to me!" I mean, really, how many times have you said that? See what I mean?
5. Be mindful of library etiquette and aware of your surroundings. Helpful tip: You're disturbing the person at the next table if they keep glaring at you and sighing.
Well, that does it. I have to say, your relief is palpable. Never before has someone compiled such a thorough and illuminating guide for you. I predict it will be inserted in all the Orientation packets. Without a doubt.
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