It's All Down Hill From Here

or, It's Going to Be a Busy Week

This time next week, it will all be over. Ooooh, ominous! But the fact of the matter is, there is an event next week that will completely affect at least the next few weeks, if not the rest of your life. I cannot underestimate the importance of the decision that literally millions of Americans will be making next Tuesday.

I am of course referring to deciding what you will give up for Lent. (Also, there's some sort of political thing.)

All the Heathens, Heretics, and Pagans who read this might need to take a moment to wiki Lent

I'll wait.

-------------

Welcome back! So now that everyone knows that Lent is a depressing Christian month(+) of abstinence, etc, we're all on the same page. But probably you either already were, or now are really worried about deciding what to give up. Maybe you didn't realize that the deadline was coming up so soon! But why do you read this blog? Clearly, it is because you seek my advice. I am your sage.

Some Common Items to Give Up for Lent: soda, chocolate, snacking, cigarettes, desserts. About these things I say, come on? Where's the challenge? And really, isn't that just giving up things you probably shouldn't do in the first place? Are you really comfortable with using God as an excuse to give up drinking 8 Mountain Dews a day?

Something common, but perhaps slightly more challenging, or perhaps VERY EASY for some of us, is sex. A lot of people give up sex. (See: Terrible Josh Hartnett movie) I seriously recommend this as an option if you are a monk, nun, law student, or in any other traditionally celibate sect. Otherwise, I'd skip it and go with one of my next suggestions. (Please note: If you do decide to give up sex, please stay away from me. I don't want to deal with your attitude.)

Awesome and Challenging Things You Can Give Up For Lent:
shoes
forks
reading (all reading, even street signs)
the letter N
speaking
using one of your hands
glasses/contacts
red dye #5 (harder than you'd think)

Things No One Should Give Up For Lent:
showers
Snickers bars
deodorant
Writing in their Blog (this one only applies to me)
Scrabulous (but you could give up harassing your friends to make their move, Darnell McCoy)
AOL Instant Messenger during the day (you know who you are)


Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, I'm going to need to impart my truly important wisdom:

How to Make the Most of the Time You Have Left

I certainly don't mean to be an alarmist but WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST SITTING THERE??? YOU ONLY HAVE SIX DAYS LEFT BEFORE LENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I figure today is pretty shot already. I mean, tonight you'll be busy e-mailing all your friends the link to my blog (http://annasblawg.blogspot.com) and chuckling to yourself at my quiet, clever humor.

But tomorrow is wide open. And the first thing you'll want to do is spend at least three hours doing whatever it is you've decided to give up. If it's Snickers Bars, then first of all, why didn't you take my advice, and secondly you'll want to binge eat them for the next 6 days. Then you'll want to spend some time googling last minute trips to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Then you'll probably have to spend a little time feeling sad that you can't afford to go, to miss class/work, and that you're stuck eating faux caijun food in a boring town.

And then we have- The Weekend. Now, the #1 person I would go to for advice on how to really make the most of your weekend is none other than the lovely Ms. Amber Swain. But, being unable to see her from my seat and unwilling to go look around the library for her, I'll just have to point you in the right direction for advice (this is sort of like outsourcing). The most important thing about your pre-Lent weekend is that when people ask you on Monday what you did, you have no idea.

Monday- On Monday you'll need to start to make plans for local Mardi Gras. I recommend Joe's OK Bayou (ah, what a clever name) and please take me with you. Additionally, it is perfectly acceptable to start celebrating Mardi Gras on Monday. (For all you language buffs out there, this would be Lundi Gras. It has a nice ring to it, right?)

Mardi Gras- It will be important to wear a large number of beads and really enjoy yourself. Sip a hurricane in Contracts class, you know Professor Frost won't mind. It is probably not advisable to throw beads at your professors, employers, or coworkers. But if you try it, please do it in a class you have with me, or at least bring me a picture. Equally important: consume a large number of crawfish. Attempt to not find their eyes disgusting.

Remember, after Tuesday, it is all over. You'll have to go to church, get that ashy cross drawn on your forehead and stop wearing shoes or speaking. Or stop raising your hand in class, as I hope some of you will (not mentioning any names).

Good luck!